Play Abandoned #21 - The Beginning Of The End

In hindsight this was always bound to happen sooner or later. I remember watching how the Australian cricket side carried on over the last decade and thinking 'one day the rest of the world is going to get sick of playing these wankers'. Well, that day has come. And India, with 70% of the world's cricket revenues, looks like taking it's bat and ball and going home. For Australian cricket this is a disaster. A lot of this began under Alan Border, a man who learnt humility the hard way - by getting flogged - but it accelerated under Tubby Taylor (who at least had a bit of dignity about him) before it soared to new heights under the coaching of that nazi Buchanan, to the point where Ponting now defends winning ugly. When even Shane Warne is saying you need to learn some humility, as he did prior to the Indian series, you know that there is a problem. Years of arrogance is coming home to roost this afternoon, when we find out what the Indians intend to do. Even if Harbijan did call Symonds a monkey, so what, Ponting overreacted by having him charged. At that stage in the game India were on top and the whole thing smacked of sour grapes. That Harbijan had Ponting's number in the first two tests just adds to the murk - it looks like Ponting has gone hell bent on having the guy rubbed out. Then we get to the disciplinary hearing that comes down to the Indians' word versus the Australians' word, and match referee Mike Proctor lumps for the Australians. Obviously the white man is more trustworthy than his sable brethren. The reaction of Clarke isn't even at centre stage here, and the mediocre umpiring is a sideshow to this, but these, along with the Australians' reaction at the close of the test, are a symptom of the greater malaise that infects Australian sport across the board. It's probably best summed up by that godbotherer Hayden crossing himself like Saint Francis while churlishly disdaining any good words about his opponents' cricket. His reaction during the first test that the Indian spinner 'stole' wickets sums up his ungenerous, grasping triumphalism. The sad thing is that so many Australians will not see anything wrong with this sort of behaviour. They too have become infected with the infantile braggartedness of a 14 year old bully. They live their lives and dreams by proxy through the experiences of cocooned and spoilt elite sportsmen who swagger like so many pint sized Liberty Vallances around a hall of giants. From Greg Norman through to Lleyton Hewitt we are lumbered with this white-bread jackasses that, in the scheme of things, have done nothing worth a fraction of what they are paid. They are not heroes but insecure little losers. They win by theft and discriminating thuggishness. They look, and are, ridiculous. As Peter Roebuck points out, it is possible to love a country and not it's cricket team. There are many Australians that are heartily sick of these prima-donnas. Roebuck has called for Ponting to be sacked. I wouldn't stop there, but sack them all until we find an XI that can play with a bit of humility and grace.  
Any resemblance to persons living or dead I consider a compliment.

Play Abandoned #20 - Making A Monkey Out Of All Of Us

The Blog That Never Sleeps revives an ancient tradition from an ancient game. The factually unreliable and irregular Play Abandoned column ran as an unsolicited email from sometime in the nineties until January 2002 - it returns once more. As I write this highly civilised people have made the most popular six stories on the Sydney Morning Herald news feed all about cricket.

These stories are part of the tens of thousands of words swirling around the carnage that remains from the Second Test in Sydney in the current Australia v India series.

That this remarkable match has descended into a farce, possibly taking the tour along with it, is a sort of minor tragedy - with character failings littered like McDonalds' wrappers along the M4 - that appears to be engulfing more than just the game of cricket.

In a world beset by soaring energy costs, post election Kenyan violence, Iraq and Pakistan on the brink of civil war and a climate gone feral it's rather quaint that such a distraction can occupy so many minds.

While some point to the poor umpiring as the root of the problem, and others the behaviour of essentially spoilt brats, the seeds of this current conflict go back at least to Australia's last visit to India and the ugly taunting of Andrew Symons by the Indian crowd. I say 'current' because there is a fairly steady connection between Australian cricket and sledging, often defended by some in the game, including current test captain Ricky Ponting. What do we do about Ponting? This is the guy who got into a fight with a Big Brown Bear at the Bourbon and Beafsteak Bar over Carlotta. As TISM said, he comes across as such a boring Yobbo cunt. The sort of bloke who'd be working as an insurance assessor if he couldn't hit a ball remarkably well. When Chris Cairns sister died in a train accident New Zealand the Black Caps were playing Australia. After Cairns had taken guard the bowler was running in when one of the Aussies started a chant of "choo, choo, choo". Current conflict in the Sydney test came to a head when Symonds asked Indian Spinner Harbijan Singh on day three "did you call me a monkey?" Harbajan denies it. The umpires didn't hear anything. Essentially it has descended into a "he said/she said" playground spat. On what basis Harbajan can be rubbed out AND receive natural justice is a mystery. Ponting's (and Symonds) petulant reaction to what Harbajan may or may not have said really does reinforce the attitude that the Australian cricket team can dish it out but they can't take it. In short, they are bullies. And no one likes a bully. We now all know that Symonds was out long before he rattled up 160-odd, helping Australia to 400 plus, and there are a fair number of other decisions that have taken a shine off a game that included a wonderful batting performance by India, highlighted by Sachin Tendulkar's century. This has now led to the series being in doubt and incredibly strained relations between the two teams. If this series is to not become a fiasco both sides need to pull their heads in. Ponting needs to be reined in - he appears to have lost completely any sense of proportion or even the consequences of his side living by the sword for so many years. It would be really nice to be able to like the Australian side but, sadly, they aren't very likeable in their current guise. As someone who plays lower grade cricket I see how this sort of behaviour filters down to the lower levels of cricket - taking the fun out of the game for many. Comments directed at opponents just shouldn't be on, but sadly they are now part and parcel of playing cricket. It also legitimises a lot of the unfunny comments that can be heard at any international match or suburban pub that, while they might be overtly racist, aren't that far from a Cronulla beachside barbecue. The Australian cricket team might be celebrating, but it's ringing pretty hollow for many. While Ponting and Coy's behaviour is pretty obviously undermining the standing of a great game in the eyes of casual observers and the international community - it's also a reflection on how seriously public standards have collapsed in this country during the Howard decade. After all, Punters attitude is seen as reasonable by quite a few 'ordinary' Australians, who shrug and say it's 'a part of the game'. No doubt Howard - if he was still in power - would back Ponting to the hilt. Ponting, surrounded as he is by the white-bread world of Australian cricket probably doesn't even realise what a wally he is making of himself. What should have been a great series will now be remembered for controversy and bitterness. Cricket is now smaller and poorer for the behaviour of all concerned in creating this fiasco - the umpires, Harbajan, Symonds, Clarke and Ponting; the commentators and coaches and predecessors who created this bully-boy culture; a country too gutless to confront it's own insecurity - and a rampant win-at-all-costs sporting ethos that equates sportsmanship with being a loser. There is no glory here, no victory. Everyone has lost.

Methuselah – playing uppishly over mid wicket.